Friday, May 30, 2008

Stay Away from this Stuff

Health officials are warning New Yorkers to stay away from an illegal aphrodisiac made from toad venom after the product apparently killed a man.

Somehow I think there'll be a Darwin Award nomination coming out of this.


PBurns said...

OK, funny story time.

I was up in Boston talking to a guy at Harvard's Kennedy School of Government about illegal drugs and illegal drug markets. I know a bit about this topic, and and we had a friendly difference of opinion on marijuana which led to a comparison between alcohol and drugs, and the observation that all ethyl alcohol is the same except for dilution and taste, but that most other drugs are completely different, with different classes, properties, and potencies.

We then clicked through the standard litany of street and pharmaceutical drugs that are out there, ranking them more or less the same, and then I riffed on a few of the more exotics such as Datura and Aminita's and Toads that are really off the chart in terms of what they can do to the human mind. Use those and you may lose some of your heat tiles upon re-entry if you know what I mean.

TOADS, he asked?

Sure, toads.

How's that work?

Well, I said, you can lick them, but that's strictly for teenagers with acne.

The best way to is to clip them in the head with a Magnum Crow round fired from an air pistol, let them push the juice out of their skins for a while, and then skin the toads out handling them as little as possible and with rubber gloves on. Once you have skinned the toads, you hang the skins on a fishing hook glued up inside inside the freezer with Crazy Glue. Leave them handing in the freezer for about a week, and you will have freeze-dried toad skin. You then grind that up and smoke it using a benzene lighter to fire it up. A warning: a little goes a long way.

There was a long silence after that.

He conceded my point that perhaps smoking marijuana was not a good idea, no matter what its legality.


Reid Farmer said...

Good one, Patrick!

mdmnm said...

Dang, the things a person can learn on the internet.

Steve Bodio said...

I wonder if Schultes knew about that one =(:-0)

Mike Spies said...

It never ceases to amaze... the shit people will put in their bodies.

I much prefer proven and predictable poisons made from aged corn in oak barrels. Organic corn, please!