Monday, October 04, 2010

Bad State Fossils

I am obviously busy, but with enough time to quote rather than link. In that spirit let me excerpt a HILARIOUS rant, also from Locavore Hunter, on Bad State Fossils. What were these people (with the possible exception of the ones who picked the Utah Allosaurus) SMOKING?

"I'm picturing the Kentucky state legislature being on a 12 month bender in 1986. It was time to name the state fossil and someone blurted out 'brachiopods!' and scrawled it onto a bourbon-stained napkin which was passed as legislation in a voice vote before anyone got sober enough to realize what they had done."


"Utah went balls-out and claimed the allosaurus. If I was Utah I would be putting that shit on the state quarters and the flag and pass a bill that requires the Utah Jazz to be re-named 'the Utah Allosaurus.'

"There must have been a contest in special ed classrooms in Vermont to come up with their state fossil because they seem to think its the beluga whale. Which is not even extinct. This is like it might as well be 'hamsters' or 'peanut butter.' Try harder."


"North Dakota must have looked south and thought 'we cannot even compete with this.' They went with 'shipworm-bored petrified wood.' Its like they thought about Arizona and asked, 'how can we be even lamer than petrified wood? What if worms put holes in it?' Choosing 'ship-bored petrified wood' may well have been an act of what amounts to hipster irony."

RTWT of course.


Mary Scriver said...

Gee, I kinda like the idea of a basketball team called "The Hamsters."

Prairie Mary

smartdogs said...

A group of brachiopods meet at a bar after work. Most of them sit there and chat merrily about the events of the day but the brachiopod at the end of the bar just sits there mumbling incoherently. The bartender goes up to him and says, "Hey buddy, if you're too drunk to talk I'll have to ask you to leave." The brachiopod sitting next to the mumbler then turned to the bartender and said, "Never mind him, he's inarticulate."

smartdogs said...

[you may want to file the above under 'bad state fossil jokes]

Peculiar said...

I always liked Nevada's: ichthyosaurs! It's pretty cool to associate something large, aquatic and predatory with basin-and-range.

Steve Bodio said...

Smartdogs, that is TRULY AWFUL.

Anonymous said...

Smartdogs! I know of that bar! One time when I was there, this big mushroom walked in, and the bartender very hatefully told him "we don't serve your kind in here", to which the mushroom replied, "why not? I'm a fun guy!!!!" ;)....L.B.

Mark Churchill said...

I knew a string who couldn't get served, so he twisted himself up, roughed himself up at the ends, and returned to the bar. Bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that string I just threw out of here?" To which he answers, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Steve's gonna throw us all out of here if we're not careful...

Moro Rogers said...

Delaware's state fossil, the belemnite, ie, a petrified cuttlebone. What parakeets chew on.
California's state fossil, the sabertooth tiger. And that's why I moved to California.