Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Uhlan: Tazi Self -Esteem

My old friend David Zincavage has a blog featuring his patented brand of ferocity and political opinion (see "Never Yet Melted" in blogroll) but when writing on his own canine companions to his friends he is at his funniest. Here he is on Uhlan, who, it will not surprise you to know, is Ataika's nephew:

"Until we met Uhlan, Karen and I had been unaware that Kazakhstan resembled California, having no rain and a perfect year-around 70 degree temperature, and that tazy dogs were waited on hand and foot by obedient human beings who answered to their every whim.  I have yet to figure out exactly what delicacies are prepared daily in Kazakhstan, but our tazy is extremely fussy and conservative about food normally.  He won't eat organ meats from chickens or turkeys. He looks unfavorably on unfamiliar dog treats and lump-style canned dog food.  His daily Alpo has to be varied regularly, or he's perfectly capable of turning up his black nose and skipping dinner altogether.  His preferred flavors of dog food change frequently.  But he will eat dead groundhog (fur and all)  happily day after day! Someday, we have to visit Kazakhstan to see all the tazy sultans living in their palaces with all the human servants."

Further: "What does not seem generally recognized are the dramatic and oratorical abilities of the tazy.  Uhlan has a piteous "ook, ook, ook!" sound used to make you drop whatever you are doing and come and let him in immediately.  When he doesn't get his way (you don't hop to it, and let him out, or you fail to give him his third milk bone of the morning), he delivers long speeches in tazy, obviously loaded with curses and abuse, accompanied by amazingly threatening facial expressions, lips curled, teeth bared.  If the human still resists, Uhlan will proceed to perform his own personal version of the death scene from Hamlet, accompanied by a soliloquy delivered in increasingly rising volume making it only too clear how terrible the suffering that poor doggie is enduring really is.  He can be made to stop only by the most vivid and direct threats."

Uhlan with remains of Marmota monax:

Water: none for six days and counting...

I will continue to note this until the jackasses (with the help of some good people) get it fixed.


Jess said...

Nothing like his sister Nazgul, who will eat anything (and has to have her food cut down after a heat or it's milk galore), never misses a meal, and happily plays in the mud/rain/littlebitofsnowweget.

Her 'pay attention to meeeeeee' noise is an almost ultrasonic "eeeeeee-eeeeeeee-eeeeeee." I'd prefer "ook, ook, ook."

Anonymous said...

Let me guess, is Uhlan an "only dog"? Although I've seen such attempts at soliciting such priveleged treatment from my 2 present Tazi boyz, and a past Saluki and Azawakh, such behaviour had to be modified somewhat to compete in a multi-dog(and I'm talking lots of other "unclean" breeds/types!) pack home! I DO tell people that show interest in acquiring a sighthound that you DO NOT get a sighthound to serve you, you get a sighthound to be it's servant! Of course, the unclean ones have zero respect for this, and the long noses must come down from their ottomans to compete successfully, to some degree. ESPECIALLY in regards to FOOD! ALL my dogs are voracious vaccums--so afraid are they that some other pack member will steal their share of the rations(even though I make sure EVERYONE is carefully seperated by tying on a picket line(the 4 huskies), or in a crate(5 of the other unclean ones), or in a seperate pen(the Bluetick hound I have that ALWAYS stays in a seperate pen, as he is THE MOST dog aggressive dog I've ever had, 24/7!), or, in the case of the Tazi Boyz, just supervised, with me standing between them(they may advance to their own crates in the future for meals). Sounds like a lengthy ordeal, but in actuality, most meals are totally done in 10 minutes--including the confining, distribution of the food, and releasing of everyone. The ensuing uproar only encourages everyone to quickly wolf their food!....And I didn't know they had Groundhogs/Woodchucks in California? Hey, man, you ought to take advantage of that, if your Tazi is catching and eating them--Woodchuck Mcnuggets are GREAT!....L.B.

Steve Bodio said...

Virginia and PA, not Cal!

Anonymous said...

.....ahhhh--I guess the "California is like Kazahkstan" comment threw me off! My boyz are going through a noisy phase just now too(they are just over a year old now)--quite aggravating, but I'm sure they'll outgrow it. They bark at NOTHING(or very insignificant things unworthy of hysterical barking fits)--usually off-and-on throughout the night, soliciting venomous infidel curses from their servant. I KNOW their barking is at unworthy things(if anything at all), because the numerous other infidel Christian dogs inhabiting the place do not deign to show any interest,or show any support to the enobled ones' protests, so perhaps it is only something(s) in the night that an Islamic dog would take alarm at--some passing djinn, perhaps?.....L.B.

Anonymous said...

That "Never Yet Melted" blog is hilarious including this tidbit.

"Canada has some great hunting & fishing, but I could never live there."


Some of the comments make Donald Trump look sane.